


How did you break your Arm

by Bubble_Anx_Tea



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Awkward Crush, Connor Has Anxiety, Cynthia and Heidi try their best, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, So does Evan, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Zoe is kind of a bitch, also depression, and panic attacks, so is larry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 17:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubble_Anx_Tea/pseuds/Bubble_Anx_Tea
Summary: When Connor wakes up after a failed suicide attempt hes put under constant watch in the hospital hes staying in. Its boring, everyone is awfuly nice and he hates it. Maybe things will change when he gets a Roommate who has a weirdly cute interest in Trees.Aka the Hospital fic no one needs but I want, where the two boys meet cause both try to end it all.Yeah read the tags its pretty heavy stuff ^^





	How did you break your Arm

Bright white was all Connor was able to make out when he slowly, almost painfully opened his Eyes. The white of the room was burning in his Eyes which had a hard time adjusting to the sudden light, as he tried to look around everything seemed fuzzy and out of focus so he blinked trying to clear his head. He didn't know where he was, what happened and why his body was feeling like a fucking statue.

He could hear a door open, slowly moving his head so he could look to the side, he saw a Woman walk in. She seemed to pause for a moment when they made eye contact and then smiled, walking towards him.

“Finally awake I see. That's good, you gave us all a scare, young man” She talked in a friendly tone, her smile all too nice and fake in Connors opinion “You can hear and understand me right?”

“´m not fuckin´stupid..” Connor slurred, a frown spreading on his face at his own voice. He tried to sit up once more but it still didn't quite work.

“Im sure you are not, Sweetheart but you have been put under quite the medication to help you sleep and calm down. Then theres also the massive blood loss you've gone through-”

Connor listened with a frown, trying to sort his memory. Trying to figure out why he was here and why-... right, now he remembered. He felt a shiver run down his spine as the memory of what was came back.

_It had been a good day, a nice warm summer day. Connor had actually felt better, not good, never good but at least better then the days before. So he took a look at his list, the list he kept of things that he needed to do and he actually did them. It took him most of the day, so when he crossed the last thing off the sun was already setting. He didn't care, today was good, he had gotten his list done and had nothing else to do. He took it as a sign, the world finally letting the hurtful grasp it had around his life go. So while the others prepared dinner he made his way up to his bathroom. He let cold water fill the tub, taking a last look at the family picture he kept on his desk. He stepped inside, sitting down in the freezing water, pulling his sleeves up to show already scarred arms. He took his blade and a deep breath, he wouldn't cry or be angry. No he would leave this world like he lived it, awkward and with no one caring about what he was doing. He slit open his wrists, watching the first drops of crimson fall and mix into the water before taking the smallest breath in and slipping further down, not planning on coming up for air again._

“You regret trying it?” Came the friendly voice, who just watched him as he remembered “Don't worry, Sweetheart we can help we-”

“Shut up...” Connor frowned “I wished I fucking succeeded...cant even do one thing right..”

The woman seemed taken back by that, Connor was guessing that she only had to deal with idiotic kids who balled their fucking eyes out after they woke up, begging for forgiveness for even thinking about trying it. She wouldn't get that from him, no Connor wished he didn't have to deal with this shit, he wished he was dead or at least unconscious still.

“Well I-”

She fortunately didn't have to answer as the door opened again and both a man Connor could only guess was a Doctor and Larry came in, of fucking course. Connor tried to sit up again, now finally feeling something in his arms and legs but was still not able to do so. He looked down seeing that his arms had been tied down like he was in some sort of mental hospital and about to jump anyone who would come to close. Not that he wouldn't do that cause he was fucking pissed but still. He tried pulling his arms up, feeling the familiar sting of panic rise in his chest, no he was not about to have a meltdown because of this, not in front of them. But he still needed to get out, needed to feel his arms free again, so he pulled again and again, quickly fighting with his whole body against them, trying to get free.

“Connor” Larry said, his face showing annoyance over anything else “Connor stop..Connor will you-” A deep frown split his face “CONNOR MURPHY STOP IT!”

Connor was at this point already in full blown panic mode. He could feel his heart hammer through his chest, making it hard to actually get any air in his lungs which where screaming at him to breathe. He could feel tears sting at his eyes as panic grabbed at every fiber of his body, he needed to get these things off his arms.

“Connor you are acting ridiculous just-”

“Im HAviNg A FuCking PAnic ATTAck riGht noW You FUckING AssHole!” Connor snapped at his Father who took a cautious step back at the sudden outburst “GET THESE THINGS OFF ME!” The Doctor quickly moved, doing as he demanded. Connor finally managed to draw in a painful gasp of air as he pulled his arms and legs up to his chest, hugging himself tightly grabbing his arms probably leaving marks behind where his nails dig into the exposed skin, of course they put him into an ugly hospital shirt, leaving his arms exposed so he could easily be put on things. He feels himself slowly calm down, not completely but at least it was getting less.

“What was that? Answer me, Connor”

“..I just said it was a fucking panic attack...Or wait you like to call them 'Connors dumb trick to get out of things he doesn't want to do' because I can actually control these fucking nightmares that feel like im dying” Sarcasm dripped from his words but his Father just folded his arms over his chest, not impressed.

“That was for your own safety, so you wouldn't hurt yourself. We cant have you do....any of that, again”

“Oh so suddenly we cant have that...whatever...” Connor mumbled letting his head fall onto his knees, he didn't want to look at his Father anymore. He didn't even feel like arguing, usually he would love to scream at him just get his anger out but right now he just felt tired and empty.

“Don't you dare start brooding now you-”

“Connor!”

He didn't look up when he heard his Moms voice, he did flinch at how relieved she sounded, so happy to see that he was alive. She never before showed so much interest in his well being.

“Oh Conner, you are okay..You are awake and alright and-”

“Still a piece of crap I see”

“Zoe! Do not speak to your Brother this way not after he-”

“Oh so I suddenly have to act all nice cause hes hurt? Well how about you'd tell him that every time he had made fun of me or-”

“Both of you quiet or I´ll-”

Connor curled in on himself as his Family started to loudly argue around him, pushing his hands on his ears, he hated it. Hated the loud noise and the angry tone, hated that he was using it most the time too. He could feel the panic come back, gripping him at full force all at once. Breathing heavily as another panic attack clearly started ripping him apart from the inside, the Doctor seemed to notice.

“Excuse me but maybe you should leave for today or at least not all come in here at once for as long as you don't have certain things sorted out” Connor would have laughed at how the doc was trying to sound polite while telling them to fuck of if he wasn't feeling like shit “He needs rest and a quiet, calm room helps with that”

Zoe stormed out without another words, the two adults looked at each other and Larry followed her leaving Connor with his Mom. She carefully made her way over sitting down next to him “Connor..” She put a hand on his shoulder, her heart broke when he flinched at the light touch “Connor please..talk to me..why did you- why didn't you talk to us..?”

“I tried...no one ever listened...” Connor mumbled into his arm, not looking up “..or got mad..so why try..”

His Mother had to blink away tears, thinking about the moments where she shrugged her son off, telling him to wait or not saying anything at all. Was he trying to get help at those moments, had she destroyed any bit of trust he had in her. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer to that.

“I-...I´ll be back tomorrow..okay? So you can rest up a bit..” She said in a careful tone but the tension was still clear in the air “See you tomorrow, Connor” She put a hand on his shoulder for a moment before getting up and slowly walking out. Connor didn't look up when he heard the door close, he also didn't look up when the Doctor started to talk.

“Well, you have quite the...expressive family, young man” There was a pause, Connor didn't answer him “Anyway, I was going to ask a few questions but after seeing the events just now play out I believe you deserve some rest. If there is something you need just press the button next to your bed and Nurse Maria here will come and help you” He paused again, waiting for some kind of response he wasn't getting “Right, I´ll see you around then” And with that both he and the nurse left, leaving Connor finally alone. He managed to slowly stretch out again as the room finally stayed quiet.

“I wish I was dead...” He mumbled, leaning back into the bed as he let sleep pull him into the comforting darkness.


End file.
